I have never blogged before. But I feel that I need a place to express what I’m going through while being anonymous. I can’t share everything I go through with my friends and family because I pride myself in staying positive. Should I show my insecurities it will only worry them and I cannot do that. So, today I start my blog to the word who doesn’t know me. Over time I will share my story. But right now I’m depressed and scared. I’ve had problems since October of 2008 and it’s been such a struggle. As I get better – it’s great – then I relapse. And I just relapsed again…..
Had a discussion with my doctor last night – we will be trying some more things, however she kind of tried to prepare me that I may have lost more lung function permanently and brought up to possibility of placing me back on the double lung transplant list as a safety backup.
This is VERY SCARY to me! I know that the statistics after transplant are not good for lungs and I just don’t want to go through that.. And it’s not just the possibility of transplant that scares me… If my breathing doesn’t improve, I can’t imagine dealing with this every day with no relief in site… I know I’ve made it 20 years without losing lung function. But I’m down to 40% now – and that sucks!